hot and bothered

Let me say this up front: I am a very sexual person. The only fetishes I'm not interested in are scat and permanent scarring. Oh, and leather, since I'm vegan. And I cannot stand the smell.

For decades, belly dancers have been trying to fight the stigma of belly dance being a sexy dance, and by that I mean dance of seduction, this is especially true in a muslim-dominated country like Indonesia. Three years ago, my troupe mates from the velvetRAQS were set to perform a belly dance show for an outdoor festival in the Monas area. Then the Jakarta governor at that time, that asshole jerk corrupt Fauzi Bowo (who went to the same all-male Catholic high school that I did which made me think he was different but turned out he wasn't) came and specifically ordered the belly dance show be removed or else he would not want to attend the event (he was the guest of honor). My troupe got paid in full anyway, but still.

I don't do Salsa, but from what I know, Salsa nights are more common than belly dance nights, and people here are very enthusiastic about the dance. I've seen how touchy-feely Salsa is and the ladies usually wear really short skirts (with great respect to Salsa dancers, I love what you're doing, but I don't understand how Salsa can get more respect than belly dance. Maybe it's the name?). This also goes to Tango.

One of my teachers at FatChanceBellyDance®, Ms. Sandi Ball, also does Polynesian dance. One time, she posted a photo of her teacher and his troupe dancing on stage. And all I could see were his body. I mean, I've seen videos of male Hula performers and I have to stay, they got me hot and bothered, awkay? Here, have a looksee.

Seriously, if you're a straight woman or a gay man, how can you not? Unless of course they're not your type. But bloody hell. Picture taken from this page.

Here's the thing: I am guilty of making lewd comments about those hunks, and for that, I am sorry. Okay, so maybe "lewd" is not the correct word to describe what I wrote (it was more along the lines of exclamations like "yummy" or "hot" and I kept the nasty thoughts to my own nasty self), but it is not the dancer's fault if the audience member's member gives him a standing ovation (I can't believe I just wrote that).

Last year, when I performed in Bali, I had an audience member (an Arab male) asking me for a photo. I obliged. Then for the second photo, he asked me to sit on his lap. I declined. I told him that he could look but he couldn't touch. He backed off.

I danced Oriental and from time to time I dance Tribal Fusion, and I know that there are songs that require our faces to be flirty and playful, and they are translated by the audience as seductive (and our costumes are also less covered than ATS®). It is up to us as dancers to let the audience know that they can look (and take photos) and talk to us, but nothing more than that. I had a long discussion with my male American friend  about that incident with Beyonce, and I said that she was an entertainer and although she wore a body-hugging suit and danced the way she did, it didn't mean that the guy could touch her in any way at all.

Male belly dancers have been present throughout the ages. We hear names like the late John Compton to Tito Seif to Mohamed Shahin, then there are Zadiel and Eliran Amar. Here's one of Eliran's very popular videos.

It is his right to wear those skimpy panels. It is his right to show off his yummy bod. However, to be honest, it could've been covered just a teensy bit more. I was hoping to be flashed. When that didn't happen, I was both relieved and disappointed. Relieved because no wardrobe malfunction occurred. Disappointed because, well, I'm a perv. This is where costume choice comes into the equation. In the video, his facial expression is far from seductive, but yours truly here still fans himself whenever he sees this clip.

My point is, there are things we can do to control how we want the audience (and the world) to perceive what belly dance is, and those things include pre and post performance attitude, costume choice, and make-up, and to some extent our facial expression (which is essentially related to the song we dance to). Yet it is alright (and expected) to be angry whenever an audience member "cracks" a slut "joke" and becomes touchy-feely.

There's a huge difference between thinking lewd thoughts and actually doing them. There's also a huge difference between doing those lewd things with consent and doing them without consent.

Fact of the matter is, there are still people who don't know the difference. I guess I'm a polite perv, or I have good self-restraint.

There are belly dancers who try their best to fight this slutty dance label and at the same time there are those who get bashed on this hilarious Tumblr. These people have helped perpetuate said label. Perhaps unknown to them. Hopefully unknown to them. (Addendum: okay, so perhaps that Tumblr isn't hilarious and the writer gets defensive from time to time, and thinks s/he knows what belly dance is or not, but who am I to say what is or isn't belly dance?).

Back to Salsa and Tango. Maybe they get more recognition (and by recognition I mean serious dance movies like Take the Lead and Scent of a Woman, the former has this really seductive dance scene). See how the female dancer has that "look but don't touch" attitude and that air of aloofness? That's what I mean.

I don't know. I'm blabbering all over the place. I guess I'm just jealous of the recognition that other dance forms have received and enjoyed in the mainstream media while belly dance is still stuck in being hoochie-koochie and cheap. I mean, come on. Even Twerking gets more respect.

where i stand on this cultural appropriation thing

First of all, let's just make it clear of what I mean with "cultural appropriation".

noun /əˌprōprēˈāSHən/ 
appropriations, plural

1. The action of taking something for one's own use, typically without the owner's permission; the appropriation of parish funds
2. The artistic practice or technique of reworking images from well-known paintings, photographs, etc., in one's own work
3. A sum of money or total of assets devoted to a special purpose

These definitions are from Google Dictionary. For this case, let's discard the third definition and add the word "cultural" in front of it, thus making the meanings of "cultural appropriation" something like this: 

1. The action of taking someone's culture or subculture, typically without asking for permission from those who are culturally or subculturally related or understand said culture or subculture. 
2. The artistic practice or technique of reworking art (including but not limited to: dance and movement composition, literary composition, musical composition, visual composition like painting - mixed media - jewelry design - graphic design - tattoo - pottery - sculpture) in one's own work. 

For the first definition, many have also added that those who culturally appropriate belong to the dominant cultures (typically the Caucasian), but sometimes, I don't think that's the case. 

The thing is, during my free time, I don't go out and take long walks or run or enjoy the great outdoors. I'm not an outdoors person. The sun ruins the skin. During my free time, I browse the internet. Sure, I get caught in the weird part of the Internet from time to time, but anything's wonderful as long as I don't come across pictures or stories of animal abuse. 

Time and again, I found posts that disrespect (that's a really pejorative term in many cases) belly dance, its culture and origin (which no one really knows), and those who perform the dance. 

Time and again, I found posts that disrespect (again, that's a pejorative term) American Tribal Style® and or Tribal Fusion belly dances. 

Let's focus on the Tribal bashers (the Trishers? Tribashers?). What's really disheartening is that if you go on forums like Bhuz or Tribe.net, you'll see Oriental style dancers bashing Tribal, saying that Tribal is not belly dance. And it's cute (okay, it's not) when you see that in some of their posts, these dancers refuse to call themselves bellydancers because they think the term "belly dance" and "belly dancers" are demeaning. They do Middle Eastern dance. They do Oriental dance. They go to Egypt or Turkey to study with the greats and try to keep the art form intact. They don't like the term "belly dance" yet they tell Tribal dancers to use whatever name but not belly dance. 

But wait, turns out, these Oriental dancers actually use "belly dance" to promote their work, albeit with a cringe, because it's easier to get their point across. 

I won't discuss that in detail and I don't really pay attention to those posts because, well, the posters have made themselves look and sound ignorant. 

The thing that really gets me is the constant telling that Tribal style belly dance and especially ATS® are considered cultural appropriating. 

Okay, I get it. ATS® has indeed borrowed lots of elements from different cultures across the globe. The Puja for one is an adaptation of East Indian prayer, then Megha Gavin from Devyani Dance Company expanded it (I don't know Ms. Gavin that well, but I do know that she is knowledgeable in Indian culture and philosophy) and FatChanceBellyDance® adapted the extended Puja, which I have yet blogged about. I'M SO SORRY. IT'S COMING ALONG!

Then there's the jewelry (Afghani, Yemeni, Pakistani, Kohistani, Turkoman, Kuch), make-up (facial tattoos inspired by the Berber, the Ouled Nail; bindis from Indian culture), costume (India, Middle East), music selection (too many to mention, from folkloric Bedouin to contemporary Balkan to modern beatboxing, and we play finger cymbals too), and of course the dance itself.

Full disclosure: I'm an ATS® belly dancer. I don't have that much money, but when I do, I use it to take dance classes and buy dowry (which includes jewelry and costuming bits and pieces).

For the jewelry, again, since I don't have that much money but I need to get that chunky, more is more look, I sometimes have to opt for cheaper jewelry. I mix and match cheap and plain silver bangles with the monster ones that I've carefully tried to research. I own several pieces of Assuits, only one of them is more than fifty dollars including shipping. My prized possessions include a Tuareg spike and dome ring that I bought from my friend, the amazing dancer/photographer/hair-flower-creator Shelly Swanegan Hamalian, a gold-washed Turkoman ring from Sirik.com, a Carol Felley cat with Amethyst ring (my birth stone is Ruby, but I'm really drawn to Amethyst), and a silver hip chain from NakaRali (I bought this one at TribalFest 11 and I'm still broke now). I wear the cat ring because I'm crazy about cats. Plus, it's silver, it's huge, and it fits in the more is more aesthetics.

For facial tattoos, I use the chin line and the three dots near the outer corner of each eye. I stopped wearing the dots over my eyebrow because I learned that it's used for Indian brides. I'm not a bride, nor am I Indian, although you know, when (I'm not using "if") John Abraham proposes, I'll be one, and y'all are invited to the wedding. In this video, Ms. Nericcio clearly states that bindis and facial tattoos in ATS® are purely ornamental. Also, go here for more information on facial markings. 

I wear turban when I dance because my hair is short (and I've a small head) and I need something to stick the flowers on. Also, as androgynous as I want to be, men do wear turbans, and in a way, my turban can both conceal and show that I'm a dude. 

Does that make me, an ATS® belly dancer, a cultural appropriator? I guess for some people, yes. But I do know my limits, because I know which elements I need to use, which elements I can go without, and not only because of aesthetic reasons. Having knowledge and information on the things we wear and create (and for some, the things we eat) is one of the ways to adopt a culture and promote its beauty. If you go to FatChanceBellyDance® studio, you'll see stacks of books about tattoos and jewelry and textile. Those ladies, especially Ms. Nericcio, know their trade.

ATS® is not an authentic representation of Middle-Eastern dance. That fact was established a long time ago. Some people are ignorant of that, and that's also another fact. So let me write this again: ATS® is not an authentic representation of Middle-Eastern dance. 

But many ATS® dancers (I'm not saying all) are well aware of the origins of the jewelry they wear. Some of them can even point the places out on the world map. Some have even been there. These dancers help expose the world to a culture rich with tradition and exquisite jewelry (and then some), which means more production, more income, and eventually more revenue to the craftsmen and the overall tourism industry. 

At the Indian and Vedic Culture miniseminar several months ago, Ms. Colleena Shakti said that the NakaRali silver supplier and craftsmen had doubted that their products would sell well in the USA (and subsequently, the world), because they had low demands in India. More and more young people in India prefer the more modern (and sometimes cheaper) jewelry. This stroke a chord. Many Indonesians, I for one, don't wear traditional clothings or promote the traditional jewelry, which by no means is less exquisite than Indian jewelry. 

In Evolutions: The Exotic Art of Tribal Bellydance, Zoe Jakes talks about her costume and jewelry inspiration. One of the pieces she wears is a heart-shaped pendant from Java. Is it a religious symbol? I don't think so. What if it is? Should I care? I don't think so either. Is she culturally appropriating one culture from my country? Maybe. But here's what I do know: when I heard Zoe said "Javanese", my heart leapt with pride. She's an international performer and I don't care that I sometimes don't like her style, but she promotes something from my homeland. Also, every time I hear songs that incorporate musical instruments from Indonesia, I feel honored, I feel respected.

Heck, I was ELATED when I saw Kecak dance in The Fall (frigging awesome movie, by the way. Very beautiful, very strange, very surreal, very emotionally exhausting, with Husband #16 Lee Pace in it). 

Also, another thing. There's this Tumblr blog that bashes people wearing Native American headdress. I get it. The thing is, the same writer said that he celebrated Halloween, which is a Celtic tradition and is nowadays commercialized (like Christmas and Easter and the Eid). So, double standards? 

My friend Julia sent this link to a great article (the conclusion is, it's hard to draw the line as to what exactly is "cultural appropriation", but the rule of thumb is to not wear something that has a deep symbolic meaning like a war bonnet, nor something that has religious meaning like the Rosary, and always make sure that the craftsmen get respectable cut because, well, they need the money to keep producing those gorgeous items. By the way, in terms of turbans vs. war bonnets, you know, many turbans are worn because of the functional purposes). 

Well, I'm beat. I was supposed to do my homework, but I really felt that I needed to get this one out first. 

Addendum: I've also written about the Balinese-inspired performance by Zoe Jakes and Marci Ann at Tribal Fest 13.

***

Man in orange and green turban photo is taken from Pink.City.Mag and check out its page on Turbans!

Photo of Carolena Nericcio by Kristine Adams. 

Photo of me taken by Shelly Swanegan Hamalian.

what ATS stands for

Let me say this up front: I am a perfectionist. I've blogged about this and some of you are tired of me whining about this, but really, I'm cringing every damn time I see a video of myself performing ATS®. 


Well, actually, I cringe not only whenever I see videos, but also photos. I'm not talking about the flabby midsection (although that's a huge problem, pun intended). I'm talking about the A, T, and S in ATS®, which are:

1. Attitude: no ego, know when and how to lead, know when and how to give up lead, know when and how to follow, no drama, no bullying, no seniority, no jumping on pedestal, no belittling. 
2. Technique: no floppy arms, no floppy wrists, no hunched back, no sunken chest, no unclear cue, no unclear shimmy, no zoning out, no low energy level. 
3. Smile: neutral smile for Slow, big, toothy smile for Fast. 

I'm lacking in all those. 

I'm working on my smile, though. Anyone who's ever met me knows that I don't have a perfect set of teeth and I always try my best to conceal my teeth (I've been doing that for more than twenty years, so my jaws have muscle memory of their own), and smiling during ATS® Fast is always a killer.


And about the negative list above (maybe some will think it's demotivational since the list has so many no-nos and I didn't try to word it out more carefully using positive phrases), well, the list is for myself and I'm not being too hard on myself (HAHA I just wrote "hard on"), I just don't want me to misrepresent ATS® that I know. 

I'm almost relieved that there's no photo of me doing ATS® at Taqsim Festival: Semarang.

Taqsim Festival: Bandung. Just Tribal Fusion workshop. 

July 2012 saw me and the velvetRAQS director, Ms. Mifta, traveling to two cities in Java. That was the first for me. Ms. Mifta already has lots of out of town workshop experience. We did Taqsim Festival in Semarang (Central Java) on July 9th and Bandung (West Java) on July 21st. The Taqsim Festival in Semarang had both workshops and hafla while we only did workshops in Bandung because it was held on the first day of Ramadan. Then I went to Bali for vacation on July 26th, and a friend was hosting a small hafla and I also danced there. On July 1st, I danced at TAQSIM: the celebration of Oriental and Tribal belly dance, a hafla hosted by the velvetRAQS and Dancewave Center. I had been working on a drum solo by Drumspyder and I was confident enough to present it. 

I was absolutely wrong. 

First try on July 1st: Floppy arms, floppy wrists, weak shimmies, I messed up the Sunanda. 

Second try on July 9th: Floppy arms, floppy wrists, weak shimmies, too-low arm positions when doing Split Arm 2 (right arm above, left arm table top). 

Third try on July 26th: No more floppy wrists, but still floppy arms (although much better than the first and second attempts), more powerful shimmies, higher arm positions when doing Split Arm 2, but my arms were too frantic when doing Arabic Shimmy with Arms and Arabic Shimmy with Arms and Turns. 

Dancing in Bali: NO SMILE.

Ya know, I'm just trying to get a decent video here so I can upload it to our website. I guess it has to wait. 

I heard Rachel Brice videotaped herself when rehearsing. I believe it. 

Fortunately, I don't have to be all negative. I discovered this photo and I thought, hey, there's still hope. 

At TAQSIM: the celebration of Oriental and Tribal belly dance.
I'm leading the dancers in the finale. I wish I'd smiled this big during my real ATS® solo. 

tribal fest 12: year of the unicorn and the emperor's new clothes

Vell, vell, vell, Tribal Vest... vee meet again...

When you see a dirty rear window of a Toyota, with what appears to be an om sign missing its hat drawn on the dirt, instead of something that says "I'm filthy, wash me?" you know you're in another realm.

This time, I didn't take any workshops nor stayed near Sebastopol. Instead, Laura picked Julia and me up at Julia's apartment in Berkeley, and we went from there. We arrived in Sebastopol on Saturday, May 19, 2012, at around 10 AM, just in time to catch Laura Elizabeth's performance. 

We only came on one day: Saturday, and boy it was a treat. It was the day of ATS®. We had Ujbaba from Russia (those girls... I've said this once, and I'm going to say this again: Ujbaba proves that no matter how far removed you are from the mother ship, you can still have the ATS® posture and attitude), Spin-Off (Ms. Wendy Allen's student troupe from Alameda, CA), Blue Diamonds Belly Dance (student troupe of FatChanceBellyDance®) and of course, FatChanceBellyDance® themselves.  

It was a day of shopping (I finally got two saye goshas that I'd been eyeing ever since last year's Tribal Fest) and Silk Road Tribal did not disappoint. Thank God I didn't have that much money and they were out of red talhakimts, or I'd be more broke. If that's even possible. 

Other notable mentions were: Donna Mejia-Ela Rogers-Hilde Cannoodt Intrepid Bodacity, Donna Mejia's solo, Ela Rogers' solo (I finally understood her. She had this... amazing stage presence, and her facial expression was so spot on), Ambush Bellydance (I don't understand why this group is named this way, but they were spectacular), Devi Mamak & April from Ghawazi Caravan (using Flamenco and ATS®, they were moving poetry), and Paige Lawrence (he can actually dance, and this is probably inappropriate, but I don't care: I find him really attractive). That being said, I was busy going in and out and eating with my dance sisters, and so I didn't really sit still and see the whole show. 

And we took off earlier for dinner at Infusion Cafe (or something - great tea, but the food was total rip off, and it took them ages to make our dinner, and they let two crazy dudes in: one was playing the guitar in the parking lot and then came into the cafe, STILL PLAYING THE DAMN GUITAR, and the other was high beyond belief. The high guy was spotted at Tribal Fest too). So I missed this (somehow NSFW): 

the owl and the pussycat

Last night, we performed at a friend's wedding. Well, she's actually a friend of one of the velvetRAQS girls and we were asked to dance at her wedding (not Middle-Eastern themed, but we didn't care). They were gracious and the guests were quite enthusiastic.

However, I had mixed feelings.

I don't know if I were just being tired and draggy (as I'm writing this, I'm still feeling tired. I was sneezing and it's usually a sign that I'm going to be hit by a full on cold, so let's just see...), but I'm starting to doubt my performance skills.

It's good that I'm taking a hiatus on performing as BlueDiamondsBellyDance since my school schedule for the Spring Semester (boy, that's a lot of "s") doesn't allow me to go to Thursday rehearsals and classes at FatChanceBellyDance®.

So let's just see where this is going. I'm really hoping this is a false alarm. I'm not taking a full hiatus on dancing because I'm still passionate about teaching.

I guess my problem is that I don't know how much I'm worth. And some nights, like last night, I felt like I didn't give my best. And I feel a headache coming up.

And the significance of the picture with the Owl and the Pussycat? Well, there's something so enchantingly detached and dispassionate about the poem. Not to mention haunting and depressing, with no sense of closure. It just hangs there, in the air, with uncertainty. Just like what I'm feeling right now.

2011

I would be remissed if I didn't write any review of the year 2011. However, I've done it on my other blog, the Pink in California. So you might want to head there if you're really, really, REEEEALLLY curious to know more about my life (you're such a stalker! But I like being stalked. So, HA.)

2011 marked the first time I've been away from my home (and my country) for a long period. True, I had a blast with EF at San Francisco and finally doing what I had been dreaming of doing since 2008: learning American Tribal Style® at FatChanceBellyDance®, and not only that, but I also had the opportunity to perform live with BlueDiamondsBellyDance, student troupe of FatChanceBellyDance®. Twice, actually. The second one with live music by none other than Helm (gasp!).

In the other blog, I wrote that I wanted to focus more on dancing and writing for 2012. I guess I need to be more specific.

What I really want is to further improve my American Tribal Style® skills and really making myself ready to teach it on my own, of course using the FatChanceBellyDance® format. As much as I love being in California (Californians are so friendly! NOT. Well, some are), I miss being at home, being in Jakarta, speaking Indonesian, and dancing with my troupe mates.

Well, here's to the good things and the bad things that occurred in 2011. And here's to hoping for a stronger, more beautiful self in 2012.

breaking the brick wall

Yes, this is still about the brick wall.

Princess Farhana wrote an excellent article about choosing the music to dance to. I only have a few things to say about it.

The first one is: I agree with everything she wrote.

Whenever I see people who work hard to do what they do and do it so beautifully, I can't help but feel envious. I can never sing as good as Sarah Brightman or do melisma as precise as (the recorded) Beyonce. I was feeling nostalgic and watched Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit (RIP Mary Wickes) and I realized that, just like in the first movie, those people could sing well, and it broke my heart that when I tried to sing along, I marred the song.

The same thing also happened in writing. I'm not talking about the big, published names. I'm talking about my classmates. There were times when I just closed my eyes when they read their piece and then heard great lines and thought, "Crap! That was an awesome line! Why didn't I think of that?"

Then there's the dance.

There are dancers with clear and precise pops and locks (Kami Liddle, Ela Rogers, April Rose, Samantha Emanuel). There are the dancers with spins and turns to die for (Zoe Jakes, Petite Jamila). There are dancers with incredible gymnastic skills and flexibility (Rachel Brice, Frank Farinaro). There are dancers with killer shimmies (Amar Gamal, Alexey Paraschuk, Bozenka, Dondi Dahlin). There are dancers who are amazing choreographers (Jillina, Sabah Saeed). There are dancers with effortless grace (Colleena Shakti, Devi Mamak, Sonia Ochoa, Mihrimah Ghaziya, Maria Aya). There are dancers with such posture that command the room (FatChanceBellyDance, Tamalyn Dallal).

But most all, these dancers (and more whom I didn't mention) can move the way I want to move. Every time I see the pops and locks and every time I listen to songs that move me and inspire me to do the pops and locks and ticks, I get frustrated and hit the brick wall. Why? Because I can't do them.

Every time I listen to Bollywood songs and then get to my feet and want to move, I get frustrated and hit the brick wall. Why? Because I know nothing of Hindi moves and mudras and what have you.

There's a little Tribal get-together that Tribal Babes Indonesia hosts right the next day after The Dance Within 3D: One World. Cinzia di Cioccio of Les Soeurs Tribales is going to have a workshop and then she's going to dance in the get-together. I was asked to dance two numbers and there are already a million songs to choose from.

Finally, I chose two songs and just sent them to Desi, the organizer from Tribal Babes Indonesia. I told her that I was sending the songs to her so I could stop making it harder for me to choose the songs I wanted to dance to. By sending the songs, I could concentrate on practicing with the two songs. I'll be dancing an ATS solo for the first one and Tribal Fusion for the second one.

I'm taking Princess Farhana's advice. No matter how hard I want to do pops and locks and ticks, I'm going to do what I can do with my body, at least for now.

hitting the brick wall

Earlier this week I was thinking how time had gone so fast. How I had landed in San Francisco this year on that cold January night and then had struggled to get into a university in the USA. Now my first semester as an MFA student is almost done and I'm a quarter closer to earning my degree.

Then just this morning, a friend told me how she felt time had gone so fast - as if she had blinked herself into the end of the year. And it's true.

Let me tell you my deepest, darkest secret. It won't be my deepest, darkest secret anymore after I've told you, so at least that's one out and millions more to share. What can I say, my life is an open book and the secrets are there, waiting to be revealed to anyone who cares to read it.

Now, about that deepest, darkest secret: I sincerely wish I could stop time. I sincerely wish that I could take the happiest moment of my life with the people I care about and just freeze it and live it forever and a second. Maybe that's what Heaven is. Possibly.

The point is, as I'm getting closer to earning an MFA, that means my days of taking classes at the FatChanceBellyDance studio are also numbered. I had already complained about not being able to go to Thursday classes next semester (February until May) because of the new school schedule. This means I'm only limited to the Saturday classes and Dance Conditioning sessions. This means I'll be missing my friends who usually come only on Thursdays.

Then there's the physical limitations. There's so much that my brain has to process. There's so much that my muscle memory has to take in. There's so much that my reflexes has to train themselves to remember. I've been away from the weekly velvetRAQS practices for less than a year and now whenever I try to do the Turkish Shimmy or the Arabic Shimmy with my left foot as the dominant one, my shimmies will get stuck. Shimmies have never been my best friend. Layering movements on regular Oriental shimmies has been so hard. Doing the sharp pop, lock, and hit with my body has been almost impossible.

The fears and paranoia are the cherry on top of the cake. What if when I go back home to Indonesia, I can't find anyone to dance ATS with? This is not about the invested money and energy and time and what have you, this is about not being able to do the dance that you love so much. This thought scares the bejeebus out of me. The fact that this dance demands so much and the fact that I, as a teacher, also demand so much because I want to keep the purity of FCBD ATS, posture and all, they may not be appealing to many people.

Then I realized, heck, if I can get only one or two people to dance with and they give their best like I do, I will be happy. Then I realized, I am a human, there's just so much that my body can do. But I will work with my strengths and my flaws and I will learn to love myself and accept that probably I can never shimmy while doing a full split. And these realizations came after watching this video:

That is Oskar, the blind cat. I wrote earlier about Ms. Wendy Allen's three-legged dog, the sweet Abby Noodle Bumskooter. And I have to repeat myself: it's amazing how animals (some, like Oskar and Abby, aided by kind humans) can constantly amaze and inspire me to do more and never give up, even when I'm hitting a brick wall.

class notes (attitude, levels, floorworks)

What started as a mere procrastination has eventually become a justification: I'm going to post class notes every two weeks. I'm really sorry, but I'm inundated with so much work from school that I sometimes woke up not having a clean bowl to eat my breakfast cereal.

Two Thursdays ago, I had my first BlueDiamondBellyDance rehearsal at the FCBD studio. BDBD is FCBD's student troupe, so it was a really humbling experience and also a huge booster for my ego (what can I say, I'm just so honest).

The rehearsals start at 6 PM, and that is also another excellent point because I don't have to waste my time going back to my apartment from school. I can just go directly to the studio. Although that means I'll have to pack my pantaloons and zils and scarves as well as some food so I won't get too hungry.

However, there was a power outage at several BART stations in downtown SF, so I arrived late and hungry (I couldn't eat at the bus, I couldn't eat at the BART station nor on BART). So I just plopped myself on the chair near the books, ate my sandwich, and changed. By the time I entered the studio, the ladies had been dancing half the first song of our chosen set. I decided to just get into the chorus and wear my hip scarves after the set ended.

It was a big thing also because Ms. Sandi Ball, who was responsible for BDBD, was accompanied by none other than Ms. Nericcio. Ha. I just ran into that. I was tired, hungry, unprepared, and I just had to be observed by the Big Mama during my first ever student troupe rehearsal.

Many moons ago, I had the chance to interview Ms. Nericcio for this blog and in one of the series, I asked her what made someone a good FCBD student, and she said: Show up on time, leave your baggage at the door, be open minded, be in a good mood, allow your mood to be transformed, follow directions, and be polite to the teacher and be helpful to other students, but don't micromanage others.

I was late, my mood was almost down there, so my dancing that night was off. Here are a few pointers from Ms. Nericcio:

1. Remember the body and performange angle
2. Work on the formation placement and blocking
3. Communicate with your fellow dancers (this also means giving clear cues)
4. Be much better than what we are now. Push our own envelope. Work harder at just dancing (without thinking what moves comes next, because that should come naturally).
5. If you want to lead, grab the moment and move forward to the lead position with conviction and attitude.
6. Show your personality while dancing.
7. Match the music with the movement. Articulate with the arms, hit the beat on the right time, know the song, familiarize yourself with the music, improve your musicality. Find which moves or steps go well with the music.
8. A Turn is a big and powerful thing, never forget to end it beautifully with a powerful follow-through so you can seamlessly blend the Turn into another move.
9. Think of the audience! The audience have obviously come to see you dance and have sacrificed other things, so entertain them!

Ms. Ball added these comments:

1. Do what you know! Don't pull out a fancy Step or Move without really knowing how to execute them.
2. Simplify your movements and never forget the follow through for completion.
3. Drill, drill, drill! Go back to Levels 1 & 2 if you have to.
4. Less can be more.

Then Ms. Anita Lalwani took over and we worked on truly milking the moves using Samai rhythm. Man, that was so grueling, just like yoga, but it's really true that you can never be slow enough for Slow Moves. We also worked on the Extended Prayer / Puja that was created by Ms. Megha Gavin of Devyani Dance Company. Ms. Lalwani let me take photos of the Extended Prayer notes and I'll share them with you on the next entry (I'm so, so tired, and I still haven't write my assignment for school, so I hope a picture of the lovely Ganesh will make you forgive me).

On Saturday, it was with Ms. Wendy Allen. We did Level 1 Floorwork. Here are a few pointers:

1. Always talk about this with your fellow dancers before doing it. Floorwork is not for everyone.
2. The Propeller Turn is used for Level 1 Floorwork because the turning section makes the skirt (if you wear it) blossom and out of the way so it won't mess with your legs and knees.
3. When doing Level 1 Floorwork, there's no need to go extremely sideways like in Level 3 or Level 4 when you're doing the Zipper (because you don't want to show your crotch to the audience, plus it just looks more dramatic and nicer if the audience can see your descent from sideways). Just be in your dance angle.
4. You can do a Floorwork Fake-Out. Here's how: Do Propeller Turn and just as you descend, just barely touch the left knee on the floor and then go up again. Do some few Moves, and then lift both arms, drop the right arm (this is the last section of the Propeller Turn before the actual turn), then turn, and descend on the floor for the actual floor work. So the second time before the actual floorwork, you don't have to do the whole Propeller Turn. Again, you have to discuss this with your fellow dancers prior to dancing.
5. When doing Levels, place your right foot in front of the left, slowly raise yourself up onto the balls of your feet, then descend down gracefully and slowly. Or, you can pick up the right boom in the music, and instead of descending slowly, place your arms on table top just for an instant, and then drop all the way down on the boom. Squeeze your thighs together and engage your core for more stability. Keep the back straight the whole time (unless you're doing Torso Twist).
6. Neither Levels nor Drops can be used to go to Floorworks position.

Here's the link to FCBD's Tribal Basics Floorwork DVD.

dress like an egyptian

I forgot the time I first fell in love with an elusive piece of fabric called Assuit / Assiut / Asyut / Tulle-bi-Telli. However, like so many things Egyptian (their reverence of cats, the jewelry, the pharaonic scale drama, the eyeliner, the dark and handsome men), I've come to fall in love with this fabric.

This is going to be weird, but I just bought fortune-worth loads of books that I'm using as references for my (hopefully) up and coming novel. In one of the books, The Cat in Ancient Egypt by Jaromir Malek, it is said that:

"The earliest known remains of a cat in Egypt come from Mostagedda, south of Asyut in Middle Egypt, and are dated to sometime before c.4000 BC. One of the graves in this cemetery contained the burial of a man who, judging by the tools and other material accompanying him to the next world, probably was a primitive craftsman. The bones of a gazelle and a cat, the former probably intended for his funerary repast, the latter perhaps his pet, were found at the dead man's feet. (p. 45)"

I know there's something sinister with the Egyptians, or rather humans, in that when they're dead, they expect their loved ones to follow suit, hence the killing of the cats, the entombing of lovers, etc. In Classical Cats by Donald Engels, the Celts also killed cats by roasting them slowly in a basket to ensure fertility, a horrifying tradition that was later adopted by the English and the French (pp. 128-129). Perhaps the inhumanity of humans is so innate that at times I wonder what makes us think we can be called humans indeed.

But, I digress.

Let's get back to the subject.

After a long, dwindling fascination I had with Assuit, not unlike the fascination I had with Banjara skirts, and after a few unsuccessful eBay bids, I found this site: Nilemarket.com. It was selling quite a few Assuit shawls, including one cream with gold metals and one black with silver metals, each for the mere price of... drum rolls please... USD 35. So, I ordered those two shawls and a golden Ankh necklace. Sounds like a perfect bargain? Wait, here's the catch: Nilemarket ships from Egypt.

I cleared the payment for my package on September 12, and the next day, I received a notification that my purchase was shipped. I contacted the seller about the tracking number straight away (because there was no mention of the tracking number on the notification), but my e-mail wasn't answered. I used the website's inquiry form, and still no answer. I was worried and half-pissed, but then Haitham (the seller) replied my e-mail and provided me with the tracking number. He also wrote that the number would become visible once my parcel landed in the USA. So, I waited.

I waited, waited, waited for about ten days, each day opening the USPS website to track my package, and then one fine day, the USPS website said something else other than its usual: No record of this shipment, check back soon. It said: Origin post is preparing shipment. That sounded strange. That sounded like it was still in Egypt. I asked the omniscient Google and it confirmed. Still, I decided to wait.

Then ten more days passed, and me being the paranoid that I am, checked the USPS website every single damn day. And it stilled showed the same message: Origin post is preparing shipment. So I shot Haitham another e-mail, concerning the fate of my package. I also grew worried because I learned that some mails from the USA to Egypt had been experiencing difficulties due to the uprising in Egypt (but this issue was later resolved, thank goodness), so I thought that the same thing might have occurred the other way around. Haitham was at first unresponsive (like the first e-mail), and I also used the form to ask him the whereabouts of my parcel. Then he finally responded and told me not to worry because the package would arrive within the week.

There is one thread on Tribe.net about Nileart / Craveegypt, which I think is / are the same with Nilemarket for two reasons: the eBay page of Nileart / Craveegypt sell the same things with, or at least using the same photos of Nilemarket and if you look at Nilemarket's contact page, the e-mail that says @nilemarket.com will link to @craveegypt.com if you hover on it. In the Tribe.net thread, one purchaser wrote that she was happy with the purchase, although she had to endure a long wait (19 days). Here's the link. So, I took solace in it.

Then two days after Haitham responded my e-mail with warm consolation, the package arrived. It appeared out of nowhere on the desk in the building's lobby. I touched it and the inside felt soft, like layers of cloths. I was also expecting another shipment of clothing, so I didn't think it was my Egyptian parcel. However, I was in a rush to go to school and my bag was packed as it was so I put it back on the table (I also didn't have time to run upstairs to my apartment and place it inside). It was during a very boring lecture at school when I was approached by an epiphany: it had got to be my parcel from Egypt because my other package would have been a lot thinner! So the day went by so slow because all I could think about was to rush home to open it.

When I finally arrived home (it takes me a good one hour of commute with bus and BART and bus where it takes only ten minutes by car), I grabbed the parcel that was still waiting on the lobby desk and examined it as I climbed the stairs briskly: It had Arabic markings. My heart raced. Then once I'm in the safe confinement of my room, I opened it, and here they are, my first Assuits, 21 days after the payment:

Oh, and the weird thing is, up until this very day, the USPS website still displayed the same message when I tracked my package: Origin post is preparing shipment. I stumbled across another, more detailed tracking website called Track-Trace.com and up until now, it displayed the information that it had been sitting in the Cairo customs office since September 22, 2011. Don't believe me? Type in RS002330044EG (the tracking number of the parcel) and see for yourself.

is this mainstream enough for you?

Now that velvetRAQS & Dancewave Center's 3rd annual hafla - Arabesque: a journey into the world of belly dance - is a wrap (a nice, delicious wrap, thanks to everybody who performed and came to the show), I can take a breather and concentrate on keeping my promises (writing ATS articles in Indonesian, teaching, and focusing on upcoming gig with the troupe).

However, there's something I've been meaning to write (like three months ago), regarding belly dance as a mainstream form of art.

Here's to define it: Rihanna and Beyonce are mainstream. Tori Amos is not (it took me around 10 minutes to find another name for non-mainstream celebrity who is famous enough [is that an oxymoron?]). Bjork is mainstream.

Hip Hop is mainstream. There's nothing wrong with Hip Hop, although I'm really bored of seeing dance movies with Hip Hop / Ballet / Modern / Latin dances. I mean, there are many other dance styles out there, you know?

When a dance becomes mainstream, it becomes popular and more people want to try it. More people trying it means bigger chance of getting students, that's the whole salesman expression of "getting one's foot in the door" means. It means business: workshops, competitions, merchandise. Then there's the bigger thing than any of those: a new, respectable level. This leads to performance opportunities at prestigious venues and most importantly, a positive image.

There's a Youtube video of Sharon Kihara being interviewed and she said that when she told people she was a bellydancer, people would look at her in that "Aw, you don't have to do that" way.

On the second thought, and I'm not trying to be supercilious, I feel that if belly dance becomes mainstream, it will lose its mysterious and otherworldly charms. If everyone can do that, then it won't be that special anymore.

Still, there are many bellydancers who first tried out doing this dance because of Shakira. I know I did. I've grown out of my Shakira shell, but I still have to give her credit. Britney Spears jumped on the band wagon, so did Aaliyah (RIP) and Beyonce. I read news that Rihanna was taking up bellydancing to stay fit and that Sienna Miller (of all people) was going to play a bellydancing housewife fleeing to Vegas with her bellydance teacher to join a competition.

Oh, well.

ADDENDUM:

Belly dance is not for the faint-hearted. It is not easy. I've had people telling me that it looked easy, but when they tried it out themselves, they found out the truth. Some of our students stayed for one session and realized that it took a lot to do half of what Shakira could do, and she's not even a professional bellydancer. Some of those students left and never looked back. Some of them dropped in for a few lessons. Only a little number actually stayed and trained.

That's Darwin survival theory for you. When bellydance becomes a trend, or dare I say, a fad, then it won't stay long.

speak no evil

There are competitors in this world. You'd think you baked the best pie because your children said so, but then you entered the county fair pie competition and realized you had nothing. You have two options: you can either give up making pies and start working on your hummus recipe or you can connect with other pie makers, learn their tricks, take pie-making workshops and seminars, buy instructional DVDs on making pies, and experiment by pushing your own envelope.

I'm not exactly here to talk about winning or losing in a competition. I've blogged about my objection to belly dance competitions. I'm here about the less direct form of it: the rivalry.

It's not only about rivalry. You can watch a dancer's video across the globe and wonder why he or she gets praises because you don't see that kind of magnetism found in dancers you adore. Do you push on the "Like" button and or type in positive comments anyway? Well, it's up to you, but I won't do that. Do you press the "Dislike" button and or write discouraging remarks? Again, it's up to you, but I won't do that either. So what do I do? Easy: I just keep silent. If it's someone I know, I just congratulate him or her on the performance, but I don't praise. It'd be dishonest to both the dancer and myself.

Now the big question is: what if the dancer asks, "In which areas can I improve my dance skills?"

I seriously don't know how to answer that, except from an audience point of view with a wee bit of belly dance background.

Then again, dancers don't really ask that question to rival dancers now, do they?

10,000 hits!

Hello and thank you my loyal readers and those who get to see my little blog for reasons that I shall list below.

You have made the number of viewers of this blog reach 10,000! That's umm... rather a slow and self-deprecating feat, considering I began writing THREE YEARS AGO! It's really fun to notice that the porn blogs I bookmark occasionally visit can get 10,000 hits in 3 weeks!

Here are some interesting search leading to this blog that are memorable enough to be featured in this entry.

VERY POPULAR:

Killer Drillz with Zoe Jakes review

Whatever Lola Wants movie (sometimes with "Ismahan")

Aaron Eckhart shirtless

Aaron eckhart nude (thank you, you gorgeous hunk, you)

Fuck You I'm Cat

Carolena Nericcio spike jewelry

FCBD related issues (like: how to do Sahra Turn, tips with Torso Twist, Ms. Carolena Nericcio)

Tribal Fest 11 Review

Cross-dresser belly dance (I can't really find an entry where I wrote about this, though...)

There are those who visited the blog to see the pictures, who stay awhile (like 5 seconds), and who even like the blog so much that they follow it and even bookmark it.

Regardless whatever your intention of visiting, I sincerely thank you.

Now that the GuidetoArtSchool's best bellydance award has gone offline, I also need this to pat my back with.

I promise I'll blog more! I have so much to blog about!

zills on top of your head

Once, I heard a legend about Ms. Wendy Allen's method of teaching Torso Twist and Circle Step. She made the students put the four zills on top of their heads and just do the moves without dropping them. If the zills stayed on top of the heads, that means the head stayed level. That's the whole idea of doing Torso Twist and Circle Step: head stays level although parts of the body rotate and move.

Last night, we all did it. I managed to keep my zills on top of my head for a long time, but they fell in the end. What can I say, I just got a hair cut the day before (oh sure, blame the HAIR!!). The funny thing is, I was thinking of doing the Torso Twist and Circle Step two days ago because I realized I had to practice those moves. The Arm Undulation plus those two are my biggest problems. I'm still working on those.

We also did Chico 4 Corners. Ms. Allen put us in duets, and I paired with a gorgeous Amazonian named Tasha. She pulled up Chico 4 Corners face-passing with me and I was alert enough to catch it! Yay!

Apart from the Flock of Birds concept, there's also the Pizza Box or the Phone Booth (both are PB!) concept. A pizza box or a phone booth usually has a square base. Use this imaginary base on the floor your dance on, align it with your partner(s)'s imaginary PB and you won't go wrong while doing moves and steps that require angles, like said Torso Twist with Pivot, Circle Step, Arabic Half Turn, and Turkish Shimmy Half Turn.

It was a fun night, but that's not all! You see, Ms. Allen has a three-legged pooch called Abby (full name Abbynoodle as written on her tag... Or is it Abbey? I forgot). And the little dog is just the cutest thing! Abby is so, so friendly, so trusting, and so, so calm. She just sleeps in her little cot that Ms. Allen placed in the front corner of the studio. I told my boyfriend that I at first, I hadn't realized that Abby was a tripod: she just bounced around actively as if she had all of her legs. That taught me a great deal: to live life with a positive attitude and to remember that miracles exist and prayers are answered.

Imagine that. Me, being taught a life's lesson by a canine. What's next? A homophobic Tracy Morgan (be prepared, the comments are even more homophobic)?

props to props

For the first time in a long time, I'm going to blog about something other than FCBD. Well, it's ATS-related (okay, so it's also FCBD-ATS related!), but not in a direct kind of way. Oh, alright, in a somewhat direct manner.

A couple of years ago, I read an article that compared and contrasted classic Egyptian set and classic American Oriental set. The article mentioned that both sets were 45 to 60 minutes long, but the similarity ended there. One thing that caught my attention was that a dancer in a classic Egyptian set might use his/her props in different ways from a dancer in classic American Oriental set.

Egyptian-style dancer uses different veil - heavier, more opaque, smaller, with trimmed edges. The dancer comes in with the veil covering his/her body, and after about 2 eight counts, sheds the veil and starts dancing (Sarah Skinner, in her Bellydance with Veil DVD by WorldDanceNewYork, also confirms this information). American Oriental dancer comes in with a veil wrapped around the neck and waist and usually doesn't unwrap it until the second or third song and even dances with the veil for one whole song.

Ms. Christine Yaven from Bellydance Jakarta said that Egyptian dancers weren't so big with playing zills. It wasn't that they were unable to play finger cymbals, it was more because the dancers wanted to show that they could afford to pay the whole orchestra - including zill players. So, instead of playing the zills, they would just focus on dancing. Meanwhile, zills for American Oriental dancers are like rice for Asians (if you think that's a stereotype, that's what I'm aiming for). For all intents and purposes, zills do catch attention and bring texture to the music, even if it's a canned one.

I think I've written somewhere in the blog that I asked Ms. Nericcio if an ATS troupe could call themselves ATS if they weren't dancing with zills, and she said that zills were mandatory for all ATS troupes. In last year's Devotion Show, there was one number when Sensei Kae and Kristine Adams danced without zills, but it was because the song was so fast that they just forwent the idea of dancing with cymbals. It was also understandable because they came in just to dance to that one song, whereas when FCBD dances to a set, they keep their zills on from beginning to the end, even when they're not using them during slow songs.

American Oriental dancers use more props (veil, zills, tray, sword, pot, Isis Wings, skirt) and actually incorporate those props in the performance because the dancers need to grab the audience's attention and maintain it. The US audience, thanks to MTV, has shorter attention span and can get bored in 5 minutes, let alone an hour. The Egyptian audience is somehow more resistant to boredom. Although I'm not really sure if it's still like this, since MTV (and stupidity) seems to be prevalent everywhere.

Did you know that despite the name, Isis Wings are actually an American invention? Loie Fuller was the first person to ever dance with "Isis Wings" in her "Danse Serpentine" number. Not sure why she called the performance that way since she looks more like a fluttering butterfly than a snake.

As for me, I'm a sucker for props. I love dancing with veils, zills, sword, and Isis Wings. I don't know if I'm still going to use veils and Isis Wings now that I'm dancing ATS almost full time. However, there's one prop that I don't think I'll ever use: Snake.

It's not that I'm scared of snakes. I love animals, and although I don't think I want to handle reptiles (or insects, for that matter), I still don't believe animals should be used for entertainment. That's not the only objection I have, though. I really, really don't want to buy poor little rodents to feed the snakes. The thought of that really makes me sick. However, seeing the Serpentessa video really made me aware that dancing with snakes is not an easy feat.

Shira wrote that Jamila Salimpour was the first person to ever incorporate snake in a bellydance performance, and that it was unintentional. You can read all about it here.

born like an artist

I just have to share this blog link here.

It reminds me so much of the path I'm taking. Although, as a dancer, I can only do so much that my body allows me to.

See more of the amazing artist's work, Jellyvampire, in the deviantart's page.

competition? this ain't bodybuilding*!

I follow Princess Farhana's blog and I always love to read what she writes. I checked her list of links and found a website called Project Belly Dance, it's a competition, not unlike RuPaul's Drag Race (the producers: the fabulous Lotus Niraja and Michelle Joyce of Cheeky Girls, even admitted that they got the idea from Ru's show). There are lots of dancing involved (obviously), lots of tests (get your perfect DVD cover photo in 5 shots, make your own bedleh using veils and staples, create a group choreography with people you just met, etc). I'm not a fan of Project Runway or Next Top Model (or any reality show, any competition, or reality show combined with competition), but I am a fan of RuPaul's Drag Race. Now I guess I'm a fan of Project Belly Dance (I love Sherena and Shems!). You can go to Project Belly Dance's website to watch the videos of the competition.

Now, on to my entry!

First and foremost, let me get this straight: I am a very competitive person. I strive to be the best, the youngest, and so very often the strangest person in the group.

I had always been the youngest in my class up to university and I take that in great pride. I may not have been the best or the youngest graduate, but I was the youngest in my class. I was even younger than some of those who went into university two years after I did.

My competitive nature turned me into a jealous and insecure person. Although I am still competitive now, I've started to make peace with losing and to accept defeat from time to time. There is much to be said about competition. It is gratifying to win in a competition. There are numerous dance competitions in the world, and even in Jakarta.

However, my competitive nature doesn't even bother to let a groan and urge me to just go out there and compete. The reasons are varied.

First, I started taking bellydance lessons in August 2007, so that officially makes me a baby dancer. And speaking of baby dancers, I think I can no longer call myself that when I've been dancing for ten years. That means about six more years. And that's only Oriental. I've only been dancing ATS for four months. I just don't feel like I'm ready to present myself to the world. My techniques aren't perfect, my posture needs improvement. I'm not going to kid myself (or others): I am not ready for competitions. However, I love dancing and showing off, and that's why I love haflas.

Second, who're the judges? Are they really qualified? Do they even know what bellydance is all about? Some bellydancers don't even want to participate in competitions as judges because, well... They also don't feel like they have the right to judge others.

There was one time when the gym where I used to work had a promotional event, one of them was a bellydance class with giveaways. So the event committee told me to select three participants who danced the best. Needless to say, I was so miffed. I mean, why would I want to make something like that into a competition? I always feel like an ego-basher when I become a judge of art. In Tennis or Soccer, there's a set of rules that the players need to follow. It's just like math: there's an exact formula. However, that formula becomes somewhat blurry when it comes to art and it takes a lot of experience and skills to be able to keep that objectivity as a judge. It's even harder to judge bellydancing than bodybuilding! I mean, just imagine, all those men in skimpy posing thongs, all oiled up and muscular, I know I'll have a hard time (pun intended).

Third, the ego. I know how it feels to lose, even when you've done your best and pushed yourself beyond the limit. It took me a while to realize how cathartic that can be. However, there are those who don't have a back-up plan. There are those who can't just simply brush themselves off and try again. There are those whose lives depend on winning.

Then again, winning competitions does open doors. The question is, will I want to go through those doors and experience what's on the other side?

*PS: no offence to bodybuilders. In fact, I have to say that bodybuilding and bellydancing take the same size of determination and dedication.

my celebrity status

I quit Twitter about a month after using it. It was just filled with crap and people Tweeting and Retweeting unimportant things. And back then, I didn't think it was possible to mute a Tweet (or a user) without unfollowing the user. I mean, even the cultweets made me sick (and the consequential retweeting of such cultweets resulted in my Twitter feeder filled with the same junk), and then there were the sh*tweets. So I drew the line and joined Plurk.

My boyfriend and many of my friends from college were already at Plurk. College was the time I made many nice friends, so it practically felt like home. No pretentiousness, no one trying to impress one another or gain a "fanbase" so to speak. I am just so happy Plurking.

About two days ago, I plurked about my broken Acer notebook (damn you, Acer - I just bought that piece of junk like last December) and then my friend from college, in an out of topic but so sweet mode, said that she saw a video of me dancing. She immediately shouted, "That's my senior!" (that made me so proud - Thank you, Rismania). So that's the good news.

The bad news is that the video was for a wedding organizer's promotional video. It was professionally made and shown in a wedding exhibition.

I was filled with so many emotions when I found out about that. I mean, yeah it's good publicity. And I think that's one of the first signs of being a celebrity: your photos and videos are published without your consent (even from the age of 12, I found out that people know about me and I don't know anything about them).

However, first of all, it was not that wedding organizer who hired me to dance in that particular wedding. The mother of the bride was my former employee and she was the one who personally asked me to dance.

And then when my friend shouted that it was me, the staff of the wedding organizer said,with enthusiasm, that they could provide bellydancers for her wedding.

Riiiiight...

A bellydancer. A male bellydancer. Dancing with a sword.

So, Mr. Budi Prayitno (the wedding organizer who showed the video of me dancing, to the general public, in a wedding exhibition, to make people think that I am a bellydancer hired by your service agency), this is not a cease and desist blog post.

No.

I'm just going to say SCREW YOU and I'm looking forward to working with you.

so much drama

I finally got to see Black Swan this evening, and I have tell you: it was intense. The last time I came out of the theatre feeling the adrenaline rush was after Matrix: Reloaded. It is so... in your face. Almost everything is in a close-up and it gives the feeling of being there with the characters.

The movie is filled with so many female erotic scenes and a lesbian scene and I didn't feel a thing. I'm. Just. That. Gay.

But again, the movie drained me. It took me on a roller-coaster ride and I greatly enjoyed it. It's not just a dance movie. And I don't think it's a dance movie. I mean, yeah you get to see some moves here and there, but not too many. Still, it's a gorgeous movie.

Black Swan is a story about a ballerina who becomes so obsessed about playing the most important role in the world (Swan Queen in Swan Lake). She gets the part but is still very protective and competitive about it. Nearing the end, she gets more and more insane, but the ending is just... perfect. In so many ways.

What I really want to blog about is how exciting the whole thing is. Okay, please excuse me if that previous sentence sounds so vague. I'm typing at 2 words per hour and I'm so sleepy but I also have to finish downloading something.

But seriously: it is not just a dance. It is everything. I know how ballerinas work, they take it as a full time job because when you are young and agile (and thin), you have to work your ass of to reach the pinnacle of their career really quick because as you put on age, you're out of the business. Well, not quite. You can still teach and maybe own your own school or dance company, but that's it. It's like air-hostesses, athletes, and to some extent, models.

Ah, athletes. I think that's one more reason to really compare dancers and athletes. After all, real dancers must pass rigorous training in the discipline(s) of their choice to reach a paragon.

The character, Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman) loses her mind getting into the character.

One can argue that if it's how it's going to be, so be it. After all, the show is the most important thing.

And one more thing before I faint: I just love the story behind it. It's not just one piece of choreography thrown in one after another. There's a change of set, of decoration, of mood, all following a plot and a story, so beautifully crafted to fit a set of songs. There's a sense of continuity and flow and a story.

I think that's my ideal dance recital. But of course, in an ideal dance recital, money wouldn't be a problem.

Here's one video by my all-time favorite comediennes: French & Saunders, talking about ballet.